Were they cute or what?
by Rose Ruru
Summary: A weird, insane story of what the characters from the X-Files might have been like when they were in kindergarten. *Chapter 2 up 8/5!* Please please R&R... enjoy the insanity!
1. The amazingly insane day

Title: Were They Cute or What? Co-written by Rosie Briar, Dreamy Child, and Rosemary (Dreamy Child's cousin) Summary: a weird, insane story of what the characters from the X-Files might have been like when they were in kindergarten Spoilers: regarding to the actual show? None. Regarding to the insanity of the authors? Everything. Note: XXXX means it's going to be present time, and time will go back by the same indicator.  
  
***  
  
"Now Fox," Teena Mulder said as she handed her son his breakfast, "Promise me that you won't scare other kids again."  
  
"But Mom!" a young Fox Mulder protested, stuffing a spoonful of corn flakes and milk into his mouth, "It's true that aliens exist! Ask Dad!"  
  
Teena glared accusingly at her husband. William Mulder just shrugged and looked back to his newspaper.  
  
"Anyway, Fox," Teena sighed heavily as she scooped up Samantha Mulder, who just came downstairs, to give her the daily morning hug and kiss, "Don't scare other children. And remember-"  
  
"There are better ways to impress Dana Scully than announcing to everyone that I'm her boyfriend," Fox recited blankly, gulping down the last of his breakfast.  
  
"Right. And I don't want to see another broken nose that suggests you had a fight with John Doggett; just try to be nice to everybody, okay?"  
  
"Okay," Fox said with his fingers crossed behind him where his mother couldn't see.  
  
"Good. Now let's get you to school."  
  
***  
  
Margaret Scully walked into the empty classroom with Dana Scully, her youngest child. Back in the car, Bill and Melissa were staring hard at each other, ready for another fight or argument, and Charlie was shifting restlessly in his seat; he didn't feel comfortable when his siblings were ready to wave their fists around.  
  
"Now Dana-"  
  
"I promise you Mr. Skinner won't call and say that I tried to dissect anything!" Dana blurted, eyeing the dollhouse and the toys scattered around it in the corner. "I promise!"  
  
"Good. Remember, you can leave the learning to until you're in medical school," Margaret said, satisfied. She walked behind Dana to make sure that she wasn't crossing her fingers behind her back.  
  
"AND STAY AWAY FROM FOX MULDER!" Bill rolled down the car window and hollered. "HE'S NOTHING BUT TROUBLE!!!"  
  
"You just leave them alone, you big jerk," Melissa grunted, smacking her brother on the shoulder. Bill screamed in pain and attempted to hit Melissa, but was stopped by Charlie, who was sitting between them.  
  
"Mom! MOM! Melissa hit me!"  
  
"Oh no, here we go again," Margaret sighed and let Dana's hand go. Dana ran to the dollhouse and started playing.  
  
Teena Mulder and Fox appeared in the doorway, and the two mother exchanged greetings. "I noticed that it's quite noisy in the back of your car," Teena said.  
  
"Yeah. It's just Bill and Melissa. They're having a fight again."  
  
"I'm sorry that Bill just hates Fox so."  
  
"No it's not Fox's fault at all; he's a nice kid and all."  
  
Teena sighed. "I bet that the parents of John Doggett don't think so when they see all the bruises resulted from the fights with Fox."  
  
"Well, boys will be boys. By the way, did you check if he was crossing his fingers behind his back this morning?"  
  
"No I haven't-Fox?" but Fox was already in the corner, playing with Dana.  
  
"Oh well, I guess I'll just let him off this time."  
  
The mothers left. After a moment, John Doggett and Monica Reyes walked into the classroom. "Morning everyone," Monica said cheerfully.  
  
"Good morning Monica," Dana said, holding up another doll, "Come play with me!"  
  
"Okay," Monica said and walked over to the dollhouse and started playing with Dana. Fox and John just stared at each other.  
  
"I think they'll get into another fight," Dana said as she pointed at the stomach of the doll. "By the way, this is where the digestive system is located."  
  
Monica looked confused, so Dana didn't talk any further about the human body.  
  
Leyla Harrison, Alex Krycek, Marita Covarrubias and Jeffrey Spender walked into the classroom, accompanied by Walter Skinner, the teacher.  
  
"Okay now children," Skinner said, "I haven't had my breakfast yet, so I'll go and have it and I'll trust that you won't get into any trouble."  
  
"Okay Mr. Skinner," the children said in unison and Skinner left to have his breakfast.  
  
The children just stared at each other until Alex suggested, "Let's play alien invasion!"  
  
"Okay!" Fox said excitedly. "I want to be the man who exposes the alien conspiracy!"  
  
"I want to be the conspirator! Mua ha ha ha ha!" Alex said.  
  
"I want to be the assistant of the conspirator!" Jeffrey said. Mulder gave him a weird look.  
  
"Jeffrey you know we're half-brothers," Fox said, "So you should be my assistant!"  
  
"Oh okay," Jeffrey said and walked over to his half-bother. Alex looked disappointed.  
  
"Okay... I want to be the doctor who finds a vaccine for the alien virus!" Dana yelled excitedly.  
  
"I think I'll be Dana's research assistant," Monica said. "What about you, John?"  
  
"Can Dana have two assistants?" John asked. "I don't think there's anything else to do."  
  
"Okay," Dana said cheerfully; she was very happy that she had two assistants.  
  
"Hey that's not fair!" Alex said. "This way I'll never win!"  
  
"Because you won't," Fox sneered. "Human race shall triumph over the alien invaders!"  
  
Marita and Leyla stared at the rest of their classmates, and then they turned to each other.  
  
"I say that we give each other a nice hairdo," Leyla suggested.  
  
"Good idea," Marita agreed, so they walked over to the dollhouse and picked up the toy brushes and combs and whatever was available over there.  
  
Alex pulled a few chairs together so that they formed a circle; Fox and Jeffrey pulled other chairs to a corner where they hid behind them. Dana, Monica and John pushed together two tables and piled some toy dishes and pans and cups on them.  
  
Alex left his circle of chairs and turned off the light. After a few seconds he turned it back on. Fox and Jeffrey walked over to Alex's, uh, UFO.  
  
"Look Jeffrey it's an UFO!" Fox yelled. "The aliens here to invade the planet Earth! Oh no!" He suddenly fell back and started to roll all over the place. "Help! I've been infected by the alien virus! HELP!"  
  
"My assistants and I shall save you!" Dana yelled importantly from behind her "research lab." She turned to Monica and John, and said, "Is the vaccine ready to be used, my assistants?"  
  
"We haven't tested it yet," John said. Monica nodded in agreement.  
  
"We don't have time! Fox can be our lab rat," Dana said, grabbing a cup and walked over to Fox. "Here you go," she announced. "The vaccine against the alien virus!"  
  
Fox pretended to swallow something, and stood up. "Hey it worked! Thank you doctor!"  
  
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Alex screamed. "My evil plan has failed! NOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Then Skinner came back from his breakfast break, but another boy was standing next to him. "Class, I want you to meet Brad Follmer, our new classmate." Then he turned to Mulder and said in a warning voice, "And don't you scare him off with your theories about the little green men, Mr. Mulder!"  
  
"Mr. Mulder is my dad, sir," Mulder said stubbornly. "And they are gray, not green!"  
  
Skinner rolled his eyes. "Come on in, Brad. Class, say hi to Brad."  
  
"Hi Brad," all the children said in unison. Brad looked at all of them, and stared at Monica for a second too long. John didn't look happy.  
  
"I don't like that guy," he whispered to Monica, who giggled.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll always like you the best," She said, planting a loud kiss on his cheek. John blushed.  
  
Fox turned to Dana and asked, "Will you do that for me?"  
  
"Maybe, if Bill isn't around to smack you in the face."  
  
XXXX  
  
John glanced at Monica as they sat in the living room of their house. "Hey Mon remember the day that Follmer kid came to our class?"  
  
"You mean in kindergarten?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"He stared me for way too long and I didn't like that. Why did you bring it up, anyway?"  
  
"Because you kissed me for the first time that day."  
  
"And?"  
  
"And you haven't done that in a long time."  
  
Monica turned her head to look at John. Then she planted another kiss on him, this time on his lips.  
  
XXXX  
  
"Okay kids we're going to be drawing today," Skinner was saying as he gave out boxes of crayons and putting a thick stack of paper in the middle of the table. Everyone started drawing.  
  
After half an hour, Skinner said, "Kids, let's show your classmates what you have drawn!"  
  
Fox stood up and held his work proudly. "This is me making a plan of stopping evil alien invasion with a friendly race of alien."  
  
Dana stood up. "This is me cutting open a dead body."  
  
Monica stood up. "This is the house that John and I will be living in together in the future."  
  
John stood up and showed his work. "This is my girl friend and future wife Monica." He sat down and Monica planted another kiss on his cheek.  
  
Leyla stood up, holding her work high. "This is Fox and Dana and their baby son William." Everyone stared at her as she sat down, looking quite pleased.  
  
XXXX  
  
Dana was singing lullaby to her son William while Fox tucked him in bed. After William fell asleep, they climbed into their own bed.  
  
And then something came up in Dana's mind.  
  
"Fox," she said, shaking her husband lightly. "Do you remember the picture that Leyla drew in kindergarten?"  
  
"She had drew loads of pictures while we were there Dana," Fox replied sleepily.  
  
"Yeah but one of them involves us," Dana continued. "And she said that we'd have a baby named William."  
  
They stared at each other for a moment, and then Fox yawned. "Who'd thought that Leyla has the gift of prophesying?"  
  
XXXX  
  
"Okay, so what did the rest of you draw?" Skinner asked the rest of the class after everyone was done staring at Leyla.  
  
"This is me making a successful plan of creating a human-alien hybrid," Alex said proudly.  
  
"This is me and Alex at our wedding," Marita held up her work, and then hugged Alex tightly.  
  
Jeffrey held up his picture and said, "This is me and my mom making my dad quit smoking and come back to us and being a good father."  
  
Brad held up his picture. "This is me being the boss of everyone here except Alex and Marita."  
  
And everyone except Alex and Marita glared at Brad. Then Fox jumped onto the table and yelled, "Let's get him!"  
  
So Fox and John jumped onto Brad and started smacking him in the face. Dana watched in amusement while Monica laughed happily.  
  
"Now get off Brad, the two of you!" Skinner yelled, pulling Fox and John off Brad, whose nose was bleeding. "And get over to the corner!"  
  
XXXX  
  
Fox and John were drinking beer while they watched a basketball game in John and Monica's house. Dana and Monica were playing with their children in the family room.  
  
"Hey John," Fox said, placing the beer bottle down, "Remember the day that we beat that Brad kid up?"  
  
"Yeah, remember it like it was yesterday."  
  
"I'm sure glad that we beat him up."  
  
"Yeah. Or he may somehow winds up to be our boss."  
  
"You know what? That's the first time we didn't fight with each other."  
  
"Come to think about it, we never fought with each other again after that."  
  
"Yeah. We were too busy beating Brad up."  
  
XXXX  
  
Skinner came back with Brad, and the bell rang. The parents started to come in.  
  
"So Dana, what did you do today?" Margaret asked as her daughter bounced over to her.  
  
"I invented the vaccine that will save mankind, and I drew a nice picture of me cutting open a dead body!"  
  
"Oh my goodness," Margaret said, and they walked out of the classroom.  
  
Teena was examine the bruise on Fox's face. "Fox, did you get into a fight with John again?"  
  
"No Mom, we beat up an annoying kid called Brad together!"  
  
Teena sighed, wiping dirt from her son's face with a handkerchief. "Hopefully Samantha won't grow up like you."  
  
Other kids' parents came in and took them home. When the room was empty, Skinner went over to the dollhouse and put everything into their proper box. Then he went out to have his dinner, and get ready for another day ahead.  
  
THE END 


	2. And more insanity followed

__

Once upon a time there were six goddesses of insanity, three of whom decided to make fun of their favorite TV show (one of them has now officially declared that it's now CSI: Miami, but that doesn't matter here) because they were well, insane. And bored.

Anyway, the other three goddesses of insanity found out about their friends' work and were very upset that they were excluded from part of this insane project. So to make it up to them, the first three goddesses decided to add a second part to their already insane story.

And so, the second part of the epic journey through kindergarten begins.

Were they cute or what? Part 2

Co-written by Alice, Katie, Lily, Monica, Rosie, and Rosemary

The next day started just as the last one. Skinner forgot to have his breakfast again (although Fox declared that this was also a conspiracy that aimed to make their teacher fat), so he left the children to their own device and retreated to the staff room. Brad was still suffering a broken nose from yesterday's fight, and he kept a safe distance from all other children.

Dana was telling the other girls about her siblings.

"So Bill came into me and Melissa's room with this ugly mask on, and Melissa said, 'Hey Mr. Monster!' and Bill asked, 'What?' then Melissa said, 'Not you, the other monster!' and Bill jumped up and ran out of our room."

"Was there really another monster?" Leyla asked, her eyes wide open now.

"Nope. The only other thing that could be called a monster is Melissa's monkey doll. I've always been wondering where did she get that ugly thing."

Fox was talking to the boys (Brad excluded, of course) about his adventure to his father's study.

"I opened this drawer and there was this large brown envelope and I opened it," he said while waving his arms around him. "And out comes a picture!"

"What's it about?" Jeffery asked, his eyes glittering. Alex snorted; he still hadn't forgiven Jeffery for switching sides in yesterday's Alien Invasion game. John didn't seem to care about what other people were talking about.

Fox continued. "There were two men in the picture, Jeffery. And guess who were they?"

"Uh human-alien hybrids?" Jeffery asked, scratching his head. Alex laughed and looked away.

"No Jeffery, it was our dads! And your dad was smoking."

"That's all he ever does, Fox."

"Oh yeah. Forgot that."

Someone cleared his throat and the children turned to look and saw it was Skinner. Four other children were standing behind him. Marita turned and asked her friends, "How come we have so many new kids these days?"

Monica shrugged. "I don't know. The only thing I can tell you right now is that none of the new boys are cute."

Dana nodded in agreement. "That's true. But whatever you say, I have the cutest boyfriend!"

Monica and Marita exchanged a look and said in unison, "Yeah." They knew better than to argue with Dana when it came to Fox.

Skinner led the new kids into the classroom. Fox's eyes brightened at the sight of the three boys. "It's the Lone Gunmen!" He exclaimed.

The new boys recognized him too. "Hey look," the boy with blonde hair and glasses said, "Hey guys look, it's Fox 'Spooky' Mulder! We're so going to like it here!"

"Yeah," the shortest of the three said, eyeing Dana, whom stepped behind her girl friends. "And that redhead chick--she's _hot_!"

Skinner cleared his throat again and everybody looked up at him. "Children, I want you to meet our newest classmates. These three--well, they prefer to be called by their last names, so we'll call them just the way they want. These here are Byers, Langly, and Frohike. And this young lady here is Diana Fowley. Class, say hi to them."

"Hi Byers. Hi Langly. Hi Frohike. Hi Diana." The children said in unison, and Diana giggled; she seemed to find it funny, the way the class greeted their new classmates. And then she jumped over to Fox and gave him a bear hug; Fox's face turned into a deep shade of crimson. Dana looked pissed off.

"Hey just who the hell do you think you are, lady?" Dana roared; Leyla clutched onto Monica's arm and peeked out from behind her. "Stay away from my boyfriend!"

Diana looked at Dana from the corners of her eyes. "I'm Fox's _real _girlfriend, you dope. Can't you see that?"

For a moment it was so quiet you can hear Skinner's watch tick. Then smoke literally came out from Dana's ears. She glared at Diana hard, clenching fists on her sides. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM FOX AND I'M HIS _REAL _GIRLFRIEND AND I'M NOT A DOPE!"

"Dana now, calm down!" Skinner yelled, trying to pull Dana away from the blushing Fox and gloating Diana. "Keep your temper!"

Dana dodged his outstretching arms and ran toward the pair, her face flaming. 

"WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU AND KILL YOU! AND THEN I"LL DISSECT YOU AND SHOW EVERYBODY THAT YOUR GUTS ARE FILLED WITH--WITH POISON AND EVERYBODY WILL KNOW HOW EVIL YOU ARE!"

Diana screamed and jumped away from Fox, who hugged Dana. "Thanks," he said.

"You're welcome," Dana giggled and kissed Fox on his cheek. Fox blushed and Diana glared at them.

"I'll get back to her later," she muttered to herself, and then busied herself with a toy kitchen set.

"Now kids, it's story time!" Skinner said as he brought out the picture books. The children gathered around him. "What story do you want to hear?"

"The Little Mermaid!" Alex yelled excitedly. Then he noticed that everyone was staring at him and he shot them nasty looks. "What?!"

"No other suggestions?" Skinner said, trying to rid of the awkward silence. "Okay then, let's hear about the Little Mermaid!"

And the class settled into another wonderful story time.

XXXX

Marita smiled at her daughter as she closed the book. "Do you like it?"

The little girl nodded enthusiastically. "The Little Mermaid is the best story ever!"

Marita laughed softly and put the book away. "Your father just loved the Little Mermaid when he was a boy."

"DID NOT!" Alex yelled from their bedroom. Marita rolled her eyes, and then kissed her daughter goodnight.

XXXX

After Skinner and the children had their lunch, which tasted a lot better than the lunch in the nearby high school for some reason, he decided that it was a wonderful day to be outside. So he led the children into the playground, and they scattered into small groups.

After much discussion with his fellow gunmen, Frohike walked over to Dana, who was braiding Monica's hair.

"Hey lady, how about you and me find a quiet corner and we get to know each other?"

Leyla stared at him with horror; Monica and Marita made a noise that sounded like laughter being muffled. Dana said, "Go away, you toad" without looking at Frohike.

Frohike walked back to join the other two gunmen, rubbing his nose. "Well, at least I tried. Only if Fox isn't in the way"

XXXX

The Lone Gunmen were working overtime again, trying to inform the ordinary citizens of America about the alien conspiracy against them.

"Man I wish we have a girl in here," Langly said as he typed out another line. "It would be more fun that way."

"Well Langly you know how my first and only attempt on getting a girl went," Frohike waved a hand in his friend's direction, as if frustrated by the topic. "She called me a toad--but she sounded so cute when she said that!"

"You'd think that she sounds cute when she says the *F* word, Frohike," Byers said, chuckling.

"Well like I said," Frohike retorted, "At least I tried. Only if Fox wasn't in the way he still is, as a matter of fact."

"Oh leave them alone now," Langly snapped. "They're having a family now--what do you want, their firstborn?"

"Their firstborn is a boy, Langly. You said that you want a girl in here." Byers pointed out and then everyone worked in silence.

XXXX

The Lone Gunmen went to join the other boys who were digging with spoons in the sandbox.

"How far away is China?" Alex was asking. 

"I don't know. A long way, I'll say." John replied and kept on digging.

"Do you think that the Chinese would be more open about aliens and UFOs than us?" Jeffery asked Fox, who looked down at his spoon thoughtfully.

"I don't know Jeffery but Dad said that they are communists and I suppose that means they will be more open about it."

Jeffery didn't understand what the word "communist" meant, so he turned to ask Alex and John, "What's a communist?"

"Uh" both boys stared at each other, and then ran to Skinner for answer.

When they came back, they told other boys that Skinner said communists are bad and they should give up on digging a tunnel to China, "Because it's too far and we won't be able to get back before the day ends," John told everybody what Skinner said, and Alex nodded.

"Okay then let's dig to England," Fox said, and started digging in another direction. All the boys followed him.

***

"Oh look!" Monica exclaimed, pointing at the sky. "It's going to rain!"

All the girls looked up at the sky; it was full of dark clouds. A lightning flashed and Leyla screamed, hiding behind her friends. Marita patted her shoulder understandingly.

Skinner ran toward the children, yelling and waving his arms. "Inside, kids, NOW! It's going to rain!"

All the children followed him inside. Alex and Fox walked at the end of the line, mumbling about not being able to escape another shower that night.

"If I get soaked I can tell Mom that I took a shower at school already!" Fox complained to Dana as a thunder clashed and rain started to pour down.

"No she'd make you take a hot bath 'cause she thinks that you'll catch the flu if you don't do that! Duh!"

"What's a flu?" Fox asked, puzzled.

"It means you start to sneeze and have a very high body temperature and you have headache and you feel like throw up. And then you have to stay in bed and you'll miss school." Dana said proudly.

"But isn't that the cold?"

"No it's called the flu now, you dope."

"Oh okay then."

Marita and Leyla were at the big table, drawing.

"I think this will be the perfect wedding dress design!" Marita said, holding up her picture.

"That's what you said the last time you planned for your wedding."

"Oh right."

Monica decided that it's time to get friendly with the new girl.

"Hi there Diana," she said to Diana, who was still busy with the toy kitchen set. "What are you up to?"

Diana looked up with an evil grin on her face. "What? Oh yeah, I'm trying to decide which knife to use on that redhead who stole my boyfriend."

Monica backed away, doing her best to hide her shock. "Oh okay that's nice. See you later!" She dashed to John, who was tossing a ball back and forth with Jeffery. "Where's Fox?" she asked.

"He's over there with Dana. Why?"

"The new girl wants to cut Dana to pieces and I think I should warn them."

"Okay. Come back and play ball with us once you're done."

***

Fox approached Diana quietly. "Diana?"

"What? Oh Fox it's you. Don't scare me like that again, you hear?"

"Okay. Listen, can you not cut Dana to pieces?"

"Uh, what?" Diana looked confused; she forgot about Monica already because she never paid much attention. "How did you know about my evil plan?"

"That doesn't matter. Just don't cut her to pieces, okay?"

"No! She stole you away and I want you back!"

"Please?" Fox pleaded, reaching into his pocket. "I saved you a candy."

Diana considered that for a moment, and then took the candy. "Okay."

***

By the time the parents came in, Diana was playing with the other girls. She had found Byers attractive, for some reason. Monica kept telling everyone that it was understandable, comparing Byers to the other two gunmen.

"Frohike is too short and Langly's hair is too long," she pointed out.

"Yeah I guess he's the best out of them alright," Dana agreed.

So all the girls were happy, and almost all the boys were happy too. (well, we don't need to remind you which boy is not happy, do we?!)

Cassandra Spender came in first to pick up her son. "So how's your day, Jeffery?"

"Fox told me that he saw a picture of our dads and Dad was smoking."

"Jeffery dear," Cassandra sighed as she opened the umbrella, "Smoking is the only thing your father will ever do."

Diana spotted her mother and she ran over to her. She turned back and waved at her new friends. Everyone waved and smiled back.

Maggie Scully walked in, and Dana bounced over to her. "Mommy mommy! I made a new friend! Her name is Diana Fowley and she was Fox's girl friend before I came in and she wanted to cut me to pieces, but Fox gave her a candy and we were all nice to her so now she's our friend!"

"Good for you, darling," Maggie said, patting her daughter on her head.

Teena Mulder examined her son carefully before she was finally satisfied. "I see that you didn't get into a fight. What did you do today?"

"The Lone Gunmen are in our class now, Mom! And we tried to dig to China, but Mr. Skinner said that the Chinese are communists and communists are bad, so we tried to dig to England. But it rained so we're going to continue tomorrow."

"Now that's a big project for a five-year-old," Teena said as she escorted her son into the car.

When all the children had gone home with their parents, Skinner collected the paper, color pencil, books and toys that scattered around the room. He put them back into the proper boxes and shelves, and then went home for dinner.

THE END (It's for real this time!)

__

A note from Rosie:

What do you guys think? Some of us actually feel sorry for Diana, so we decided to be nice to her for once. I don't think there's going to be a second time, though lol. Happy reading! No there won't be anything that will be following this but don't you got more good fics to read on this site?


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